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The Red Tent Written by Zsuzsi Fern & Dr. Tory Clark
“When a woman is having her moon, her blood is flowing, and this blood is full of mysterious powers that are related to childbearing. At this time, she is particularly powerful…a woman’s power and a man’s are opposites, not in a necessarily bad way, but in a good way. Because of the power a woman has during this time, it is best that, out of respect for her men and for their medicinal trinkets and beliefs, she stay away from them. During this time, the men would often build a small lodge for the woman while other female relatives serve on her needs.” ~ Judith Fitzgerald
In biblical times in the Middle East, the Red Tent was a hut where women would gather on the dark moon and be relieved of their daily responsibilities. Their cycles were synched and in the tent, they shared laughter, joy, sorrow, blood, births and growing pains. It was a special time of sisterhood where they were one in the womb of the great mother: The Red Tent. These gatherings have grown across cultures for women today. They provide a safe haven for women to share ideas and life stories.
The traditions of blood sacrifice have their origin in the ’sacrifice’ of blood, which poured forth from the woman when there was no new life for it to nourish. However, the menstrual blood was given freely and then used to nourish the tribe or the earth in other ways and no one suffered, unlike later more corrupted versions of sacrifice. Historically, the rituals of many traditions from Taoists to the Ancient Egyptians involved the ingestion of menstrual blood mixed with red wine to increase spiritual power. The Ancient Hindu believed that the power of creation was created from the thickened blood of the Great Mother. In Ancient Greece, spring festivals included the spreading on the earth of corn mixed with menstrual blood to increase fertility.
When women are in alignment, their monthly cycle brings them into connection with nature, and gives them the ability to guide men with the wisdom of their wombs. Men can offer an important role in their blood cycle if women help them understand how they can provide support, comfort, and love. Women can do this by first discovering their own unique needs during this sacred time.
Menstruation is the introspective moment of a woman’s cycle. It is a time to retreat, reflect, release, recover and celebrate. Perhaps this seems like a foreign idea? If so, you can find out more information at your local Red Tent gatherings. You can expect to experience your body and your cycle from a new and refreshing perspective through valuable educational discussions. By celebrating and acknowledging our differences, without judgment, together, we women, sister to sister, can cultivate our talents and skills to influence and promote change in the world around us.
Visit: http://www.facebook.com/RedTentReno for more information on the Red Tent Reno gatherings.
Beautiful Body Image Workshop
WHEN: July 14th 6:30 – 8:30 pm
WHERE: 720 Tahoe Street Reno, NV 89509
COST: $20 – open to men & women of any orientation, single or in relationship
Improve your self-esteem and sexual well-being!
Sexuality is often linked directly to sexual acts, or sexual orientation. However, it is much more than that; sexuality is a core part of our identity, which includes our feelings about our gender, sexual behaviors and our body image. Body image is how we feel about ourselves physically, and how we perceive others see us.
Both men and women may struggle with their body image and it can strongly affect their sexuality. The more that we are distracted by negative thoughts about our body, the less we are able to feel comfortable during our most intimate moments alone or with a partner. Do you find yourself imagining what you look like from the outside, rather than focusing on the sensations that you feel inside?
This workshop is designed to promote a healthy and accepting relationship with your body and your sexuality.
Specific topics include:
- Healthy body image
- Sexuality
- Self esteem & self confidence
- The media and advertising
- Eating Disorders
- Cosmetic surgery
Erotic Fantasies: Enhancing your sexual well-being
Fantasies are part of nearly everyone’s sexual repertoire, yet most people are quite disconcerted about them. Research has shown that 95 percent of men and women reported having experienced erotic fantasies. Additionally, people who feel less shame and guilt regarding their erotic fantasies during intercourse reported higher levels of sexual satisfaction and functioning than did others that felt guilty about them. Most fantasies that are sexual in nature begin from early memories; the first images that you find arousing. They may be a positive or negative, or both.
The most common thought that one may have is “are my fantasies normal?” Fantasies are vast and have different meanings for each individual. Some fantasies may be romantic and tender; others may be rough and kinky. The top ten erotic fantasies given the most on surveys are: threesomes; sex with a famous person, a friend or someone you have a crush on, a former partner, a stranger, someone of the same gender; being dominated (tied-up and spanked), sex while someone is watching, and sex in public or exotic places.
Our erotic fantasies have the ability to serve as wonderful tools to enhance our sexuality. They help increase sexual arousal during masturbation and sexual relations with a partner; help people through anxiety; act as a way to mentally rehearse new sexual experiences; allow for taboo behavior (a forbidden fantasy is more exciting for some). People also may escape through their fantasies into worlds that consist of group sex, sex with strangers, forceful sex, or one night stands – all without actually engaging in them. For most, fantasies are much more exciting when they stay within their imagination and are disappointing when acted upon. Which begs the question, should you and your partner disclose your innermost fantasies to each other? First, you should be clear about why you would like to know. Are you trying to learn what your partner’s private sexual thoughts are out of your own insecurities, or are you excited to explore those thoughts to enhance each other’s sexual desires?
If you are having trouble accepting your fantasies, a good place to start is to think about them and write down your reactions (positive or negative). It is important to acknowledge these thoughts and approach them with a sense of curiosity – set aside judgment, shame or guilt. Many people bury or ignore what makes them feel good; which, can lead to an unfulfilling sex life. Expressing your innermost feelings has the wonderful ability to enhance your sexual well-being.
Slut: A Sexual Double Standard
Female sexuality in the Western world has progressed throughout history; however, even today, women face more restrictions on, and experience greater sanctions against their sexuality than men. For example, some people believe that if a woman wears “suggestive clothing” and is then sexually assaulted, it is her fault. A recent example of this dangerous belief occurred in Toronto at a campus safety information session. Police officer Michael Sanguinetti, stated, “I’ve been told I’m not supposed to say this, however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.” Ideas like this have been around for quite some time -where in the world do they stem from and why are they still a hindrance on our society today?
Two very contradictory images were created during the Middle Ages, which greatly impacted female sexuality: the Virgin Mary, and Eve as the evil
temptress. The Virgin Mary was seen as living a sinless life; Eve on the other hand, has never lived down her association with the original sin. She has been used as a counterpoint to the unattainable attributes that the Virgin Mary had. Unfortunately, Eve’s image was promoted by the Church and paved the way for increased antagonism toward women. These images evolved into what is more commonly known today as the “Madonna-whore complex”.
It is bewildering to see that in the 21st Century, women’s sexuality is still polarized between these opposing images and men are trapped between the ideal of purity and the outward displays of sexual expression. This sexual double standard begins in childhood and extends through adolescence and adulthood. Girls learn to appear sexy to get the attention of boys, but it is a Catch 22: If she refuses to have sexual relations, she worries about losing her boyfriend….but, if she has sexual relations, she will more than likely be referred to as a “slut”. Never mind that the boy that she is involved with will be considered a “stud”. However, if this boy is nonaggressive in his sexual conquest, or sexually inexperienced, he will be labeled a “sissy”. Should we not question these notions within our society?
The aftermath of the Toronto incident has led to thousands of women in Canada and the U.S. to march, calling their protests SlutWalks. They are attempting to reclaim the word itself – to express the rejection of the concept that government, society, or religion judges or controls their personal liberties, and the right to control their own sexuality. I think that the authors of The Ethical Slut, Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt defined the word best: “a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” Keep on marching ladies.
Dealing With Rapid Ejaculation
Rapid Ejaculation (RE) is the most common sexual difficulty among men. About 44 percent of men experiencing erection issues also frequently
ejaculaterapidly. In general, approximately 22 percent of men experience RE and about 30 percent of those men ejaculate without a full erection. The International Society for Sexual Medicine defines RE as a pattern of quick ejaculations (under one minute) combined with a man’s inability to delay ejaculation during vaginal penetration and with distress about or avoidance of sexual intimacy because of rapid orgasm.
Performance anxiety is one of the main sources of RE. For example, if a man’s partner makes negative comments about performance, it may lead to RE. Additionally, inhibitions, guilt and fear associated with negative childhood sexual experiences (e.g. masturbation) can play a role in RE. Therefore, reducing or eliminating this anxiety is the focus of sex therapy. A common belief within our society is that touching is intended to lead to an erection, intercourse and then ejaculation. This is very goal oriented; which leads to pressure and then anxiety.
An extremely helpful couple-oriented activity developed by Masters and Johnson called “sensate focus” involves focusing and enjoying touch without a further goal. The couple explores what kinds of genital stimulation other than penetration that is pleasurable for the man through great communication. This non-goal-oriented approach gives a man and his partner the opportunity to focus on what they feel rather than on their sexual performance. Also, not having to focus on sexual activity helps to alleviate performance pressure: the aim is to make sexuality something separate from performance anxiety, inhibition, and guilt (the emotions surrounding being sexual).
Another activity called the “stop-start technique” enables a man to become more aware of his ejaculatory reflex. Through masturbation, or with the assistance of a partner, the man’s penis is stimulated to the point of impending orgasm and then stops until ejaculatory sensations subside. The activity is repeated several times and then allows ejaculation to occur on the last cycle. Other techniques involve ejaculating more frequently, changing sexual positions and continuing sexual interaction after the first ejaculation.
The aforementioned techniques have proved over time to be highly effective to many men experiencing RE. However, the same techniques do not work for everyone, and activities need to be tailored to the individual. Sexual counseling may be sought after when individual or couple efforts do not help resolve the concern. Increasing one’s self-knowledge is a very important step towards sexual enhancement.
KOLO 8 News Now: Dr. Tory Clark Teaches Human Sexuality at UNR
Vulvo-what-ia?
The terminology surrounding vulvar pain can be quite confusing because most vulvar conditions share similar symptoms. This article will cover three of these conditions. Beginning with vulvodynia, a woman will most likely experience chronic, spontaneous, generalized pain in the vulvar area (the labia, clitoris, and vaginal opening). Additionally, burning or irritation associated with vulvodynia may be so uncomfortable that sitting still for long periods or even having sex becomes unbearable. The condition can go on for months or years. Vulvodynia was not coined until 1983 and through the famous TV series Sex in the City, the public was introduced to the term when one of the shows characters was diagnosed with this condition.
Surveys have shown that vulvodynia is rising; with one reporting at least two hundred thousand women in the United States have significant vulvar discomfort that profoundly reduces their quality of life. Until recently, doctors did not recognize this as a real pain syndrome because there are virtually no physical signs of disease. Currently, researchers are looking to uncover the causes of vulvodynia. The most promising theory thus far, is injury to the pudendal nerve, where most of the nerve supply to the vulva comes from.
Briefly, dyspareunia is pain upon intercourse, and vaginismus occurs when the vaginal muscles spasm during an attempted entry of an object such as a dilator, vibrator, penis, tampon, and/or speculum. Physiological factors such as: vaginal infections (yeast, trichomonas, vaginitis, urinary tract), endometriosis, or an injury through abuse or rape can cause dyspareunia or vaginismus. Insufficient hormones can reduce lubrication causing dyspareunia as well. If you are experiencing any of the aforementioned, your gynecologist should address them.
From a psychological perspective, some women have experienced sexually traumatic events or feelings that cause vulvar pain. The following is a list of some of these events: religious or strict upbringing that viewed sex (or masturbations) as wrong; sexual abuse; fear of sex; previous experiences of painful sex; not enjoying sex with partner; witnessing abuse in the family of origin; threatening, domineering, or invasive parents; negative experiences associated with menstruation; fear of pregnancy caused by negative comments or false myths about giving birth; and poor body-image.
Quite often, our bodies try to tell us about changes we need in our lives, relationships or society. The message may then be delivered through an outward display of pain. Working with a Clinical Sexologist in order to understand the psychological connection of any of these events to vulvar pain would be an effective treatment plan to undergo.
Women’s Sexual EMPOWERMENT Course
When: May 4 – June 8 Every Wednesday evening for 6 weeks from 6:30 -8:30 pm
Where: 85 Washington Street Reno, NV – The Institute for Inspired Living
Who: Presented by Dr. Tory Clark
Cost: $100 for the 6 sessions (ask about the student & senior discount)- open to women 18+ years old, any orientation, single or in relationship
The Repercussions of Banning Brothels
Moonlite Bunny Ranch owner, Dennis Hof with a few employees….click on the picture for a behind the scenes tour of the Ranch
Prostitution is often referred to as the world’s oldest profession, and folks, it is here to stay; it exists because there is a demand for what they provide. In Nevada, the Netherlands, and Germany, prostitution is legalized, but continues to be regulated under criminal laws. Currently, brothels are legal in Nevada, but only in counties that choose to legalize prostitution and have fewer than 400,000 residents; which, excludes Las Vegas and Reno.
Recently, Senator Harry Reid frivolously called for a ban on Nevada’s prostitution and brothels. His reasoning is that they are an impediment to economic development because it discourages businesses from moving to Nevada. I am bewildered by his rant considering that we have a deficit that is out of control; record unemployment and foreclosure rates; and over $60 million in budget cuts at the University of Nevada Reno.
If prostitution was banned in Nevada, thereby causing the closure of the brothels, the women will be presented with even more danger. If anyone thinks that the sex-trafficking industry is deplorable now, it
will only become worse. From both a public health and welfare perspective, brothels provide safety for prostitutes. As UNLV professor of sociology, Barbara G. Brents, co-author of “The State of Sex: Tourism, Sex and Sin in the New American Heartland,” stated, “Nevada’s brothels have a documented record of being safer, less-violent places than the streets for selling sex. There is no evidence that the brothels are sources of forced-sex trafficking and, indeed, brothels can help combat trafficking.”
As Nevada continues to ensure the legalization of it’s brothels, the decriminalization of prostitution should also be researched and considered. Decriminalization eliminates all laws and prohibits the state and law-enforcement officials from intervening in any prostitution-related activities or transactions, unless other laws apply. The benefits of decimalization can be seen through New Zealand’s 5-year-follow-up study on the impact on public health and welfare of sex workers since they decriminalized prostitution in 2003 (Gillian et al., 2009). The sex workers had a high rate of condom use and safe sex practices, thereby reducing the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (note: since HIV testing began in 1986, not one brothel worker in Nevada has tested positive). They now have the ability to control their work environment, which increased their safety and the police are now a resource instead of a hindrance. Additionally, they declare their income and pay taxes. No overall increase in the number of underage sex workers occurred.
If you have not visited a brothel here in Nevada, I encourage you to do so. You will see that they are not abominable-as we have been led to believe and the women that work there do not fit into the stigma which society has created through fear and ignorance.
Beautiful Body Image
Sexuality is often linked directly to sexual acts, or sexual orientation. However, it is much more than that; sexuality is a core part of our identity, which includes our feelings about our gender, sexual behaviors and our body image. Body image is how we feel about ourselves physically and how we perceive others see us. Both men and women may struggle with their body image and it can strongly affect their sexuality. The more that we are distracted by negative thoughts about our body, the less we are able to feel comfortable during our most intimate moments alone or with a partner. Do you find yourself imagining what you look like from the outside rather than focusing on the sensations that you feel inside? Worrying about cellulite or sucking your stomach in does not enhance an orgasm!
Cultural definitions of what is considered to be “beautiful” vary from society to society. Additionally, the ideals of beauty are quite different in each era of time. The voluptuous bodies of Marilyn Monroe and Betty Davis are drastically different from the emaciated Victoria’s Secret models that society deems as “perfect” today. Therefore, it is important to remember that we are not born with poor body images; it is something that we learn.
Within Western cultures, women are held to an extremely high standard; thinness and beauty are equated with sexual desirability. The images that are portrayed in the media are very unrealistic and do not represent the average size of women. Consider these facts: In the early 1980’s the average model weighed 8% less than the average American woman; she now weighs 23% less; the average American woman is 5′4″ tall and weighs 140 pounds, while the average American model is 5′11″ tall and weighs 117 pounds; and most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women. And let’s not forget about the image enhancement that is done through airbrushing and photo-shop! Is it fair to compare ourselves to something that doesn’t even exist? Eve Ensler, author of The Vagina Monologues, clarifies: “We Americans like to tell ourselves we are free, but we are imprisoned. We are controlled by a corporate media that decrees what we should look like and then determines what we have to buy in order to get that look”. Question your images of beauty: Are they realistic? Do they include people from all cultures, ethnicities, people with varying levels of physical abilities? Do you see the beauty in people for who they are, rather than what they look like?
“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson